I'm sure every generation has faced the sense that they would be the final generation to exist on earth. There has always been the end looming through the history of time. The end has always been nigh. I remember the dark sense of my environment during the time of the Vietnam war, radiating from those of my parent's generation. I remember having a sense that Nixon was the face of the end. These senses filled me with the dark, cold panic of nothingness, as if soon nothing would be left but the low, pounding vibrations of my deserted heart in a cold mist that kept me from breath...and the fear was born. The same messages still reach my ears. 2012 will be the last year for us... Again the end is nigh.
So what of it? Mankind can usually find a way to plod along on this earth through every generation that thinks it's the last, so I wont so easily be sold on the end this time, but what if it is? If you think about it... It really is.
Don't be fooled into thinking that you have all the time in the world to peruse around, because even if humanity goes on for centuries more, you wont be there. Your end is nigh. You only have a short time on this earth that we know of for certain, so what are you going to do with it? Continue to squander time?
There is WAY too much evidence to list here that your experiences from birth to now in your particular culture has conditioned you with fears and crippled your ability to connect to the anima (the true self).
Now, you can run to all types of doctors, gurus and friends to seek relief from the pains of life, the negative patterns brought about by your early conditioning, but you will only be treating the symptoms. It doesn't matter what contributed to this conditioning in your life, abusive or neglectful parents, narrow minded educators or under-balanced social systems, rubbing oils on your wrists to ease the pain of the chains will not release them. You were saddly separated from the anima. Remember the anima, the place inside you that told you that you had a purpose, a talent, a magic gift that only you could offer the world? Unlock the fears and you will reconnect with the anima and find your purpose.
Let me guess...you plan to work over-time at a job that you dislike, or certainly don't love, taking away hours from those you love so you can get a bigger house, newer car, better deck, finished basement, electronic gadgets for the kids, because you're terrified not to, all the while forgetting the anima, the real part of you,. You've turned your back on yourself. When you were growing up, would you not have readily traded the new shiny bike you received in exchange for your dad's happiness? Would not have your life been fuller if your mom and dad enjoyed their vocation, been filled with a sense of accomplishment that was reflected in the happy times spent with you. I would in a flash. As a matter of fact, the only reason I wanted "stuff" growing up was to divert myself from the misery that choked me every single day in the image of defeated parents and I will wager that that's why you want "stuff" too.
I know you think once you get there you will be happy. Imagine having all of the "stuff" on your list right now. Looks like a pretty picture, right? It's not. It's never enough because it's not the anima. You never get there. As soon as you're there, there is another need, and then another. It's an empty life, full only of chasing. If you never find your true self you are empty and eternally envious of those who have. That is not to say we are all rocks stars or scientists deep down, but we certainly all enjoy, are good at and offer expertise in something.
I knew a man who always wanted to be a garbage man. It looked so perfect to him, riding on the back of the truck with the cool breeze of the day, meeting thousands of neighbourhood pets, never having the boss looking over his shoulder, stopping for lunch whenever he felt hungry and sharing some good natured ribbing with his colleagues, all performed before the sun went down so he could spend a lot of time with his family. His high school girlfriend did not understand this vision. As the relationship progressed and he did not give in to her pressure to come to university and find a career, they said farewell and parted ways for good. One day, years later as he was working just as he planned, he let fly the contents of a garbage can as a shiny, polished object flew high with the garbage. He snatched it out of the air just before it would have been squashed into the container of the truck with the rest of the trash. He looked up at the house from where the can came and decided to ring the bell. There was his high school sweetheart in the door looking shocked to see him. The object he caught was a highly, sentimentally valued, inscribed watch left to her by her beloved father when he passed away. It had somehow found its way into the trash during her spring cleaning. If that garbage man would have given in to the type of shame she tried to make him wear for having such aspirations, she would have never seen that watch again. It was the pure character of this man who felt fulfilled and compelled to give that saved her from such disappointment. She knew this in an instant and they were married shortly after.
We are all supposed to be somewhere we love, we need only shake off the fear and follow our feet. It is the fear of being different, or being the same, or being watched, or being humiliated, or whichever you like that keeps us from learning our own secret. If Freud would have given into a fear of ridicule we would not have his brilliant works to build on. The first time he presented his particular theory, he was booed at.
So as complicated as life and happiness seem, you need only take the first step to this fulfillment to bring about the next step, then the next and so on. Shake off the fear as if were creepy little bugs all over you and reach out to do something you like. Drop the fear of shame, poverty, judgment, and unpopularity no matter where it came from and see what happens next. You don't have to make a million doing what you love right now, by all means employ yourself to pay the bills, but start by losing the fear and admitting what you would love to do, because if you do what your anima was born to do the compensation will come through. Just do it. You wont die if someone laughs at you, but when you do die, at least it wont be accompanied by dissatisfaction.
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